Russian English
Щит и копьё
Христианская притча в изложении Константина Филатова
Christian parable in the Statement of Konstantin Filatov
Искусный ремесленник всю жизнь изготавливал оружие, и постиг в деле своём все тайны, ведомые людям.
A skillful craftsman entire life had made weapon and studied all the secrets in matter that were known to people
И сделал он медный щит, сияющий как солнце, и железное копьё, сверкающее ярче лунного света.
He made a copper shield which shines as the sun and an iron spear which sparkles was brighter than the moonlight.
И вынес ремесленник на продажу щит и копьё, и говорил, что щит его крепок и ничем нельзя прошибить его, а острое копьё его может пронзить всё, что угодно.
The craftsman carried out to sale the shield and the spear and proclaimed that his shield is so strong that it cannot be pierced by anything, and his spare can pierce everything.
И собрался народ на площади и восхищался прекрасным видом оружия и совершенством его.
And all the people gathered on the square and everyone was admired by the beautiful weapon and by its perfection.
Но один из отроков в простоте душевной спросил ремесленника:
— Что же будет, если копьём твоим ударить в щит твой?
But one of the young man in kindly simplicity asked the craftsman :What would happen if to strike your shield by your spare?
И не нашёл искусный ремесленник слов для ответа, и смеялись над ним, ибо немудрёными словами была
And the skillful craftsman didn't find words for answer ,and people laughed at him ,since his words weren't wise.
Hope

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Наші війська в Афганістані довести вони зберегли своє почуття гумору в наступній редакції:

"Ви можете бути Талібану IF ...."

1. Ви уточнити героїну в живих, але у вас є моральні заперечення до пива.

2. У вас є $ 3000 кулемета і $ 5000 реактивний гранатомет, але ви не можете дозволити собі взуття.

3. Ви маєте більше жінок, ніж зуби.

4. Ви знищити ваш приклад з голою лівій руці, але розглядати бекон "нечисті".

5. Ти думаєш, жилети прийти в двох стилях: куленепробивне і покінчив із собою.

6. Ви можете не думати про всіх, з ким Ви не оголосили джихад проти.

7. Ви розглянути телебачення небезпечно, але регулярної перевезення вибухових речовин, у вашому одязі.

8. Ви були здивовані, виявивши, що мобільні телефони можуть використовуватися не виробила придорожніх бомб.

9. Ви не проти жінок, і думаю, кожній людині необхідно власне щонайменше два.

10. Ви завжди були прихильником вашого сусіда козла.

Jewish Mistress ::

Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine
restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes overto
their table, gives the husband a big open mouthedkiss, then says
she'll see him later and walks away.

The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was
that?"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she 's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had
enough, I want a divorce!"
& gt;
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember,
if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris ,
no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more
BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a
gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the
wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies...

פילגש יהודיה

בעל ואישה יהודים סועדים להנעתם במסעדה מפוארת.

פתאום ניגשתלשולחנם אישה צעירה מדהימה, נותנתלבעל נשיקה גדולה בפה,ואומרת:

"אראה אותך יותר מאוחר!" ופוסעת הלאה.

האישה מביטה בבעלה במבט נוקב ואומרת:

"מי, לעזאזל, זאת הייתה ?"

"או" משיבהבעל, "זאת הפילגש שלי"

"ובכן, זהו הקש ששבר את גב הגמל", אומרת האישה. "היה לי מספיק, אני רוצה להתגרש!"

"אני יכול להבין זאת", עונה הבעל, "אבל זכרי, אם אנחנו מתגרשים זה אומר אין יותר נסיעות לקניות בפריס, אין יותר נופש חורף בברבדוס,

אין יותר נופשים בטוסקני, אין יותר BMW בחניה ואין יותר מועדון יכטות. אבל, ההחלטה היא שלך".

באותו רגע, נכנסלמסעדה חברם המשותף עם יפיפייה תלויהעל זרועו.

"מי האישה הזאת עם מוישה?" שואלתהאישה.

"זאת הפילגש שלו", אומר הבעל.

"שלנו יותר יפה", היא משיבה. [/color]

After all the background checks, interviews
and testing were done, there were3 finalists;

Two men and a woman..

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of
the men to a large metal door and handedhim a gun.

'We must knowthat you will followyour
Instructions no matter what the
circumstances.

Inside the room you will findyour wife
sitting In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't beserious. I
could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right
man for this job. Take your wife andgohome.'

The second manwas giventhe same instructions.

Hetookthe gun and went into
the room. Allwas
quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came outwith tears in his eyes, 'I
tried, but I can't killmy wife.'
The agentsaid, 'You don't havewhat it takes.
Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given
the same instructions, to killher husband.
She took the gun and wentinto the room.
Shots were heard, one after another.
They heardscreaming, crashing, banging
on the walls. After a few minutes, all was
quiet. The dooropenedslowly and there
stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her
brow.

'This gunis loadedwith blanks' shesaid. 'I hadto Beathim to death with the chair.'

MORAL:

Women are crazy. Don't messwith them

TWO LADIES TALKING IN HEAVEN

1st woman: Hi! My nameisSherry.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shakingfrom the cold, I began
to getwarm & sleepy, & finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband
was cheating, so I came home early to catchhim in the act. But instead,
Ifoundhim all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I
started running all over the house looking. I ran upinto the attic &
searched, & down into the basement. Then I went through every closet &
checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked
everywhere, & finally Ibecamesoexhaustedthat I just keeled over with
a heart attack & died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't lookin the freezer---we'd both still be
alive.