(3) Nothing : This isthe calm before the storm.. Thismeanssomething, and you should beon your toes. Arguments thatbeginwith nothing usuallyendin fine.

(4) Go Ahead: Thisisa dare, not permission. Don't DoIt!
<_<

(5) Loud Sigh: Thisisactually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh meansshe thinks youarean idiot and wonders why sheis wastingher time standing here and arguingwith you about nothing. (Referback to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a womancan maketo a man. That's okaymeansshe wants to thinklong and hard beforedecidinghow and when you will payfor your mistake.

(7) Thanks : A womanis thankingyou,donot question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says'Thanks a lot' - thatis PURE sarcasm and sheis not thanking you at all. DO NOT say'you're welcome'. Thatwill bringon a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever : Is a woman's way of saying F- - - YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a womanhas tolda man to doseveral times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a manasking'What's wrong?' For the woman's responserefer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know,to warnthem about arguments theycan avoidif theyrememberthe terminology. <_<

* Sendthis to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, causethey know it's true!!!

************************************************************
My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the TV?" I replied "Dust".
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************************
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. '
I bought her a new bathroom scale.
And that's how the fight started..... ************************************************************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started.... ************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.
So, I took her to a gas station.
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And that's when the fight started.....
************************************************************
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion,
and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago,
and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife. 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And that's when the fight started..... **************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....

Older Gentleman

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young lady at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000,' the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said.
Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.
'There's no money in that account.'

'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'

*Всепобеждающий Армейский
> Жаргон! *
>
> А теперь закрой рот и скажи, где
> ты был.
>
> Я вас не спрашиваю, где вы были! Я
> спрашиваю, откуда идете!
>
> По команде "Бегом-марш"
> руки сгинаются в коленях!
>
> Что, машина не заводится?
> Поехали, потом заведешь.
>
> Ставлю вопрос ребром: или мы
> будем или не без этого!
>
> Осмотрите дыру в заборе и
> доложите мне, с какой она
> стороны, с той или с
> этой?
>
> Отпечатать в трех экземплярах,
> но чтоб первый был готов к обеду.
>
> К днищу аппарата приварено
> отверстие.
>
> Товарищи бойцы! Спите быстрее!
> До подъема осталось пять минут.

Three things never return back
Time, word, possibility.

Three things never return back
Time, the word ,opportunity.

Три вещи не следует терять:
Спокойствие, надежду, честь.

Three things should not be lost:
Calmness, hope, honor.

Three things should not be lost:
Peace, hope and honor.

Три вещи в жизни наиболее ценны:
Любовь, убеждения, дружба.

Three things in the life are most valuable:
Love, persuasion, friendship.

Three things in life the most valuable:
Love, persuasion, and friendship

Три вещи в жизни никогда не надежны:
Власть, удача, состояние.Three things in the life are never reliable:
Authority, success, state.

Three things in life never are reliable:
Power, success, status.

Три вещи определяют человека:
Труд, честность, достижения.
Three things determine the man:
Labor, honesty, achievement.
Three things define the person:
The work, honesty, achievement.

Три вещи разрушают человека:
Вино, гордыня, злость.
Three things destroy the man:
Wine, pride, malice.

Three things destroy the person:
Wine, pride, anger.

P.S. но иногда пока все поймешь, пройдет целая жизнь

P.S. but sometimes thus far everything you will understand, the entire life will take place

P.S. but sometimes you will understand everything yet, it may take a lifetime

PRITCHI, LEGENDI I SKAZANIYA
- Ребе, я не понимаю: приходишь к бедняку - он приветлив и помогает, как может.
- Rebbe, I do not understand: one comes to the poor - he privetliv and help, as can be.
Приходишь к богачу - он никого не видит. Come to the rich - no one sees it.
Неужели это только из-за денег?
Is it just because of money?
- Выгляни в окно. -Look out the window.
Что ты видишь?
What do you see?
- Женщину с ребёнком, повозку, едущую на базар. -
The woman with the child, the cart going to the market. [/color
]- Хорошо.
-[color=blue] Okay.
А теперь посмотри в зеркало.
Now look in the mirror.
Что ты там видишь?
What do you see there?
- Ну что я могу там видеть?
- Well, I can see there?
Только себя самого.
Only himself.
- Так вот: окно из стекла и зеркало из стекла.
- So: a window made of glass and mirror glass.
Стоит только добавить немного серебра - и уже видишь только себя.
Just add a little silver - and see only himself.

For the Soul - Andrei Dementiev
- Do nothing spare no
Никогда ни о чем не жалейте вдогонку,
Never about anything spare no pursuit,
Если то, что случилось, нельзя изменить.
If that happens, you can not change.
Как записку из прошлого, грусть свою скомкав,
As a note from the past, their sadness skomkav,
С этим прошлым порвите непрочную нить.
This past Porva fragile filament.

Никогда не жалейте о том, что случилось.
Never spare no as to what happened.
Иль о том, что случиться не может уже.
Ile that can not happen already.
Лишь бы озеро вашей души не мутилось
Only a lake of your soul is not mutilos
Да надежды, как птицы, парили в душе.
Yes hope, as the birds soared into the soul.

Не жалейте своей доброты и участья.
Spare no its kindness and participation.
Если даже за все вам — усмешка в ответ.
Even if all of you - grin in response.
Кто-то в гении выбился, кто-то в начальство...
Someone in the genius vybilsya, someone in the brass ...
Не жалейте, что вам не досталось их бед.
Spare no, you do not got their troubles.

Никогда, никогда ни о чем не жалейте
— Never, never about anything spare no --
Поздно начали вы или рано ушли.
Late start or do you have left sooner.
Кто-то пусть гениально играет на флейте.
Someone let the genius plays the flute.
Но ведь песни берет он из вашей души.
But the song takes it out of your soul.

Никогда, никогда ни о чем не жалейте
— Never, never about anything spare no --
Ни потерянных дней, ни сгоревшей любви.
No lost days or burnt down love.
Пусть другой гениально играет на флейте,
Let the other genius plays the flute,
Но еще гениальнее слушали вы.
But it is brilliant, you listened.