American British English
Bernard Shaw said that America and England were two great nations sepa¬rated by the same language.

"I speak four languages," proudly boasted the door man of a hotel in Rome to an American guest. "Yes, four — Italian, French, English, and American."
"But English and American are the same," pro¬tested the guest. "Not at all," replied the man. "If an English¬man should come up now, 1 should talk like this: 'Oh, I say, what extraordinarily shocking weather we're having! I d ... Читать дальше »

Court and Justice
Judge (in dentist chair) — "Do you swear that you will pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?"

"Have you ever appeared as a witness in a suit before?" asked the prosecutor,
"Why of course!" replied the sweet young thing.
"Will you please tell the jury just what suit it was?"
"It was a blue suit," she replied quickly, "with white collar and cuffs, and buttons all the way down the front."
Sourse

"Darling, I have to go to New York on busi¬ness," said the young married man. "It will only take about three or four days and I hope you won't miss me too much while I'm gone, but —"
"I won't," answered his young wife, positively, "because I'm going with you."

Advice to Persons about to Marry: Don't.

"What did you divorce your husband for?"
"Two hundred dollars a month."

A young seaman asked an old sea wolf — "Do such ships like ours often sink?"
"No — not often. Only once", wa ... Читать дальше »

В Штатах изобрели новую пулю -- без гильзы, теперь к ней изобретают автомат.
Как бы вы не нарушали дисциплину, но дело от этого страдать не должно.
Необходимо ликвидировать всех, не стоящих на комсомольском учете.
Через неделю выявить лучших пропагандистов.
Эти проблемы, к сожалению, не решаются, но в целом их решить удается.

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