 An unflushed defecation amazingly appears to have the image of Comrade Stalin's face. A Party official is told to preserve it until it is decided where it is to be displayed. The Party's most brilliant brain- stormer says: "Contact the British Embassy." Other Party officials ask why. Brain-stormer: "To maintain the proper ambiance, it must be displayed in the Tate Modern." http://timeso
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 Three o'clock in the morning there is loud knocking on a Moscowvite's flat door . Trembling, he opens it to four brutish KGB agents. "Are you Ivan Ivanich?" And from the terrified man's mouth issues the most beautiful words in the Soviet Union: "No, Ivan Ivanich lives in the flat upstairs."
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 From a Polish visitor in the 1970s: The Polish people are blessed with 3 virtues: honesty, loyalty and intelligence. Unfortunately, at birth each Pole gets allocated only 2 of these. Thus there are 3 types of Poles: those who are intelligent and loyal, but they are not very honest, those who are intelligent and honest, but they are not very honest, and those who are both loyal and honest, but alas, they are not very intelligent.
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 I'm surprised that the only joke I'd previously heard about communism isn't already here. A young man applies for membership of the Communist Party and has to face a selection committee.
Official: 'Welcome comrade, we are going to ask you a few questions to test your suitability. First question; comrade, what would you do if you owned two houses?'
Young man: 'Comrade, I would give one away to the poor.'
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 A man being mugged on a Moscow street warns his assailant "Comarade, I can prove categorically that in our society crime doesn't pay. (then to himself) On the other hand, I can also prove that in our society crime doesn't exist."
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 An East German joke from the late 1960s: A man comes before the Court. He has written on a public building: "Everyone working here is stupid." He receives three sentences: One month for defacing a public building; one year for defaming state employees; and five years for betraying a state secret.
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 An American comes home one day and finds his wife in bed with another man. He calls his analyst.
A German comes home one day and finds his wife in bed with another man. He calls his lawyer.
A Frenchman comes home one day and finds his wife in bed with another man. He calls his mistress.
An Englishman comes home one day and finds his wife in bed with another man. He calls the dog and goes for a walk.
A Russian comes home one day and finds his wife in bed with another man. He goes p
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 The Stasi tells Honecker there's a West German spy in his Central Committee. So Honecker takes his favourite Stasi man along to the next meeting. The concierge (an old red) sees Honecker and the Stasi agent go in and, just one minute later, the Stasi man exiting , with a Central Committee member hand-cuffed to him.
"Comrade, I'm so impressed with your speed and efficiency. How did you discover this enemy agent so quickly?" asked the concierge
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 I can remember a couple of oldies.
1.
Q: What's 600 feet long and eats cabbage?
A: A Polish meat queue.
2.
And the pole-vaulting champion of East Germany is now ... the pole-vaulting champion of West Germany!
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After the post communist chaos a delegation goes to Stalin who lives comfortably in hell in good company. Come back Comrade Stalin and sort out our troubles. After some thinking he agrees but there is one condition. No more Mr Nice Guy.
Question: What does the Neutron Bomb have in common with DDR coffee?
Question: What's the difference between Capitalism and Communism?