An unflushed defecation amazingly
appears to have the image of
Comrade Stalin's face.
A Party official is told to
preserve it until it is
decided where it is to be
displayed.
The Party's most brilliant brain-
stormer says:
"Contact the British Embassy."
Other Party officials ask why.
Brain-stormer: "To maintain the
proper ambiance, it must be
displayed in the Tate Modern."
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Three o'clock in the morning there is loud knocking on a Moscowvite's flat door . Trembling, he opens it to four brutish KGB agents. "Are you Ivan Ivanich?" And from the terrified man's mouth issues the most beautiful words in the Soviet Union: "No, Ivan Ivanich lives in the flat upstairs." 
From a Polish visitor in the 1970s: The Polish people are blessed with 3 virtues: honesty, loyalty and intelligence. Unfortunately, at birth each Pole gets allocated only 2 of these. Thus there are 3 types of Poles: those who are intelligent and loyal, but they are not very honest, those who are intelligent and honest, but they are not very honest, and those who are both loyal and honest, but alas, they are not very intelligent.